Below is reprinted with permission from someone's post on the Bay Area Friends' Yahoo Group.
DWH
************
I just want to remind everyone that @ 20% of people over 12 in the US carry the virus for genital herpes, but up to 90% of the people who have it don't even know it because their symptoms are mild, infrequent or non-existent. Also, most doctors don't include a test for herpes, even when they tell you they are testing you for *all* STD's - unless you specifically ask them for a herpes blood test. Many out-of-date doctors will even tell you that there are no accurate blood tests for herpes or that no test can accurately distinguish between HSV1 and HSV2 (very wrong).
Although everyone in this group KNOWS that they have herpes - often because we had noticeable symptoms that we got checked out - many other people do NOT have noticeable symptoms or their symptoms went away quickly and their doctors misdiagnosed them with things like jock itch or a vaginal infection. Some people have doctors who told them that even if they had herpes, they could not pass it to anyone else unless they were having an active outbreak - very bad information!
Most new cases of genital herpes are the result of sleeping with people who do not even know that they have it or are at risk for spreading it. It's possible that in your particular case, and with your particular partner, they may have known and did not disclose. Or they may have been told that they were not at risk for spreading it, or they were otherwise ignorant about the facts or in denial. But statistically, most people with genital herpes don't know they have it and got it from someone else who doesn't know it. Most cases of genital herpes are never diagnosed.
Everyone's story is different. I did not show any symptoms for herpes until about a year after I was married. I *assumed* that I got it from my then husband, who had many more previous partners than I did. He claimed that he didn't have it, but I didn't believe him. About 2 years later after we separated, he took one of the accurate herpes blood tests for herpes and tested NEGATIVE. So I had *assumed* wrong. I apparently had herpes BEFORE I even met him. I don't know who I got it from. And I did not have any symptoms until AFTER I was married. So you cannot just *assume* that your most recent partner was how you got herpes. It might have happened years earlier. As the saying goes, "when you *assume* - you make an *ass* of *u* and *me.* You cannot always be certain that your most recent partner was the source of your herpes. I feel fortunate that despite my diagnosis, I did not spread herpes to my ex-husband or other boyfriends since - whom I insist on getting tested.
Honesty is always the best policy. Most of us are probably here, in part, because we want to be responsible and increase our knowledge about herpes and reduce our risk of spreading it. Let's make a point of informing potential new partners (and anyone else you want to tell) about the facts about herpes so that we can diminish the stigma. Even though some of our past partners may have been lying, ignorant or in denial, most of us got it from people who didn't know. Let's focus on how we can make things better going forward. Let's all become good examples of how to responsibly deal with an STD, and show other people that many nice, normal people have herpes and it does not have to ruin your life.
********
Reprinted with permission.
For more information on herpes diagnosis, accurate blood tests, regional herpes social groups, and a list of herpes online dating services, go to:
http://www.datingwithherpes.org/
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Online Dating Services for People with Herpes
Dear DWH:
Now that I have been diagnosed with herpes, I am concerned about spreading it to people I might date. Are there any online dating services for people with herpes, where I can meet people who already have what I have, and not worry about having "the talk" or spreading it to someone?
Ready to Date
Dear Ready to Date:
Yes, there are several places you can go online (and offline) to meet other people who have herpes for dating, or socializing and support. Most larger cities in the USA have active social groups for people with herpes who live in and around their city. Joining a local H social group is a great way to meet people who are nice, normal people, just like you, who also happen to have HSV1 or HSV2. Most of these groups offer social events where people can meet each other in a friendly, supportive, fun atmosphere. Not everyone is single or looking for people to date - but many people do meet and date through these groups. There is a list of regional H social groups at the Dating With Herpes website at http://www.datingwithherpes.org.
However, if you are primarily interested in meeting people to date, there are several websites devoted exclusively to people with Herpes and other STD's. The largest of these is Positivesingles.com. Many other websites are listed with descriptions and pricing info at http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm
Keep in mind that the larger dating websites may be more expensive, but may have more active members than some of the smaller, less expensive dating websites. Most offer a free trial membership period - or free "limited" memberships that allow you to post a profile. But if you want to be able to send a note to other members, you need to upgrade to a paid membership.
Not everyone with herpes feels like they should only date other people with herpes. Many people do date non-infected people and take precautions to help prevent transmission. Everyone's experience with herpes is different - many people have herpes but display no symptoms, while others have serious and frequent outbreaks. Your personal experience with herpes generally colors your choices about whom to date. The main thing that most people agree on - is that it's absolutely mandatory to inform your partners about your HSV status BEFORE you have intimate contact, so that the other person can make an informed choice before deciding to have sex with you. Being honest is always the best policy.
Whatever you choose to do, good luck! And again, more information on Dating with Herpes and Online Dating Services for people with herpes can be found at: http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm
DWH
Now that I have been diagnosed with herpes, I am concerned about spreading it to people I might date. Are there any online dating services for people with herpes, where I can meet people who already have what I have, and not worry about having "the talk" or spreading it to someone?
Ready to Date
Dear Ready to Date:
Yes, there are several places you can go online (and offline) to meet other people who have herpes for dating, or socializing and support. Most larger cities in the USA have active social groups for people with herpes who live in and around their city. Joining a local H social group is a great way to meet people who are nice, normal people, just like you, who also happen to have HSV1 or HSV2. Most of these groups offer social events where people can meet each other in a friendly, supportive, fun atmosphere. Not everyone is single or looking for people to date - but many people do meet and date through these groups. There is a list of regional H social groups at the Dating With Herpes website at http://www.datingwithherpes.org.
However, if you are primarily interested in meeting people to date, there are several websites devoted exclusively to people with Herpes and other STD's. The largest of these is Positivesingles.com. Many other websites are listed with descriptions and pricing info at http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm
Keep in mind that the larger dating websites may be more expensive, but may have more active members than some of the smaller, less expensive dating websites. Most offer a free trial membership period - or free "limited" memberships that allow you to post a profile. But if you want to be able to send a note to other members, you need to upgrade to a paid membership.
Not everyone with herpes feels like they should only date other people with herpes. Many people do date non-infected people and take precautions to help prevent transmission. Everyone's experience with herpes is different - many people have herpes but display no symptoms, while others have serious and frequent outbreaks. Your personal experience with herpes generally colors your choices about whom to date. The main thing that most people agree on - is that it's absolutely mandatory to inform your partners about your HSV status BEFORE you have intimate contact, so that the other person can make an informed choice before deciding to have sex with you. Being honest is always the best policy.
Whatever you choose to do, good luck! And again, more information on Dating with Herpes and Online Dating Services for people with herpes can be found at: http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm
DWH
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