tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7303284574363335112024-03-12T18:21:39.586-07:00Dating With Herpes Q & AQuestions and Answers about Dating With Genital Herpes.DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-86811008627969110162014-11-10T14:13:00.000-08:002014-11-10T14:14:41.840-08:00Helpful Links for People with Genital HerpesHerpes Support Groups and Herpes Social Groups - Local and National:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpessupportgroups/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpessupportgroups/</a><br />
<br />
Online Herpes Dating Services Links: <br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline/</a><br />
<br />
Review of Positive Singles - Largest Site for Online Dating for People With Herpes:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline/</a><br />
<br />
How to Tell Someone That You Have Herpes:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/tellingsomeone/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/tellingsomeone/</a><br />
<br />
How to Reduce Your Risk of Getting or Spreading Herpes:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/reducingyourrisk/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/reducingyourrisk/</a><br />
<br />
How to Get Tested for Herpes:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdiagnosis/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdiagnosis/</a><br />
<br />
How Did I Get Herpes?<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/how-did-i-get-herpes/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/how-did-i-get-herpes/</a><br />
<br />
Herpes Treatments, How To Treat Herpes Symptoms, How to Reduce Herpes Symptoms:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpestreatments/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpestreatments/</a><br />
<br />
Herpes Scams:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesscamsspam/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesscamsspam/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-75270533492516957412011-11-18T09:32:00.000-08:002011-11-18T09:59:24.632-08:00I just got informed that I have HSV and I'm devastated<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dear DWH:</span></em><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just got informed that I have HSV and I'm devastated. I feel like it's over. I see all the stories about people being in commited relationships… but what if you are not? How do you tell the people you casually slept with before you knew you had it? I feel like it is the end of the world. If you have any good tips please let me know. I can't take this. </span></em><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Heartbroken</span></em><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">**********</span></em><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dear Heartbroken:</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's very normal to feel the way you do right after finding out that you have genital herpes. But remember - this is the worst of it, and you will feel better after some time has passed and after you learn the real facts about genital herpes. Here's what you should do right away:</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#1: Get Support Immediately! There are a number of support resources for people with herpes, both regional and national. Call the National Herpes Hotline, and join a regional or national herpes support or social group, and TALK TO PEOPLE who already have this and have been living and dating with it for a while and know what you have been going through. You will feel so much better after talking to people who are in the same boat and know more than you about what you can do. </span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">National Herpes Hotline: 919-361-8488 </span></strong><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Picking Up the Pieces Yahoo Group – Online Support for HSV and HPV</strong><br />
<strong><a data-mce-href="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PickingUpThePieces/" href="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PickingUpThePieces/"><span style="color: #880000;">http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PickingUpThePieces/</span></a></strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Join your local regional herpes social or support group. Listing can be found at </span><a data-mce-href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpessocialandherpessupportgroups/" href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpessocialandherpessupportgroups/"><span style="color: #880000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpessocialandherpessupportgroups/</span></a></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#2: Get educated about the real facts about genital herpes! Herpes is extremely common and very manageable. There are lots of things that you can do to reduce the frequency and intensity of any symptoms, and things you can do to dramatically reduce your risk of spreading it to your partner(s). A lot of this information is available at DatingWithHerpes.org - </span><a data-mce-href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org" href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/"><span style="color: #880000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.datingwithherpes.org</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Read through all of the information on this site, and then check out the Links section and go to other websites for even more information.</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><a data-mce-href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org" href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/"><span style="color: #880000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.datingwithherpes.org</span></a></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#3: Don't buy into the stigma. You are not a bad person or a dirty person just because you have genital herpes. About 25% of adults in the US have genital herpes. That's tens of millions of people. You are not alone! The fact is, however, that most doctors don't include the test for herpes even when they are testing patients for other common STD's. And since most people who have genital herpes have no noticeable symptoms, or their symptoms are mild and infrequent, they honestly *think* they are *clean*, even when that's not the case. Even without symptoms, herpes can be passed between partners. There are millions of people out there who have herpes and don't know it, who are having casual sex, and not using protection, and who are putting themselves and their partners at risk for acquiring one or more STD's. You are no better nor worse than other people just because you have genital herpes. And maybe now, you'll have the chance to help educate others about this very common virus that they may already have and not even know it.</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Lastly, for tips for "Telling Someone" that you have genital herpes, including how to notify previous partners that they might have been exposed to herpes, go to:</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/tellingsomeone/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/tellingsomeone/</a></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Good luck!</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">DWH</span></strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-85221469219945484232011-09-12T13:27:00.000-07:002011-09-12T13:27:13.615-07:00Do I have to take the same precautions if I have HSV1?<em>Dear DWH:</em><br />
<br />
<em>I contracted genital herpes, got tested and found out it was from the HSV1 virus. I’m confused about a lot of things. I’ve read a lot about how HSV1 can be passed from oral to genital contact, but not a lot about how likely it is to be passed genital to genital. Now that I have HSV1 genital herpes, do I have to take the same precautions as someone with HSV2? If someone already has HSV1 in their mouth, could sex with me cause them to have a genital outbreak? Although I’ve never had a cold sore, could I pass the HSV1 to someone by kissing them? By giving them oral sex? If they give me oral sex, will they get oral HSV1? Since my first outbreak (which was very severe) I have never had another one. Also I am female. Do these things make it less likely that I will pass on the virus? My first outbreak was a terrible experience, and I do not want to cause anyone else to go through that, but I’m also not sure if I’m being overly cautious.</em><br />
<br />
<em>HSV1 Girl</em><br />
<br />
<em>*******</em><br />
<br />
Dear HSV1 Girl:<br />
<br />
That’s a lot of questions! Here’s my best attempt to help you out.<br />
<br />
- Many people have HSV1 genitally. HSV1 can be passed to another via either genital or oral sex, just like HSV2.<br />
<br />
- Yes, you will have to take the same precautions against spreading HSV1 just as you would with HSV2.<br />
<br />
- 60-80% of the general population already have HSV1 orally. Most people don’t realize that cold sores are the same thing as herpes (HSV1). Most people don’t realize that it’s possible to spread HSV1 to another person via oral sex, even when they don’t have a visible cold sore. A lot of people think oral sex is safe, and don’t use any sort of protection. But anytime you are swapping body fluids, there is a risk of spreading something.<br />
<br />
- Sorry you had a terrible first herpes outbreak. Herpes affects each person differently based on a number of variables such as your own immune system, etc. Most people with herpes don’t even know it because their symptoms are not noticeable, or are very mild and infrequent, and are mistaken for something else. Other people get outbreaks all the time. Some people have 1 outbreak and then never again. Some people have symptoms only a few times a year. Even when someone is not having any symptoms, it is still possible for them to spread herpes to their partner because the virus can be shedding from the surface of the skin without causing any sores or symptoms.<br />
<br />
- The only way to know for sure how often a person is shedding the virus without symptoms is to take part in a <a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes-research/" title="Herpes Research">research study</a> where your skin is swabbed on a daily basis and then tested for evidence of the virus. In one study, the subjects tested positive for the virus on up to 10% of days, even when they had no symptoms. But even in that study, each person was different. Some people shed more often, and some people shed less often. So each person is different.<br />
<br />
- The good news is that by using <a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes-treatments/" title="Herpes Treatments">Suppressive Therapy</a> – taking daily Acyclovir or Valacyclovir – you can dramatically reduce the number of days of asymptomatic shedding. In one research study, patients who took suppressive therapy shed the herpes virus only a fraction of a percent of the time. So combining suppressive therapy with proper and regular use of condoms is a very effective way to reduce your risk of spreading the virus to someone else genitally. If you use dental dams, then oral sex is safer too.<br />
<br />
- Bottom line – HSV1 and HSV2 cause pretty much the same symptoms and one is not better or worse type of herpes than the other. Both types of herpes can cause outbreaks either orally or in the genital region, or even on the buttocks, back or thighs. The treatment options are the same. The methods of reducing your risk of spreading it are the same. However, everyone is different and may experience (or not experience) symptoms differently. Most people with HSV1 and/or HSV2 got it from someone who wasn’t experiencing symptoms at the time, didn’t know they could spread it, and may not have even known that they had any form of herpes.<br />
<br />
Now that you know that you have herpes, you can take precautions to reduce your risk of spreading it and by doing that, you’re a safer sex partner than most other people out there who have herpes and don’t know it and who are not taking suppressive therapy or using any protection. Good luck!<br />
<br />
DWHDWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-16980043980639997442011-05-22T09:00:00.000-07:002011-05-23T13:23:20.592-07:00How Long Should I Wait Before Taking a Herpes Blood Test?Dear DWH:<br />
<br />
I may very well have been exposed to a girl with genital herpes and now I have a rash on my penis. My urologist (who doesn’t seem to know a lot about herpes) thinks I only have a fungal infection, but gave me a lab form for herpes blood tests anyway. My question to you is: How many weeks after my 1st outbreak should I wait to make sure I’ve built up enough herpes antibodies, to be ABSOLUTELY SURE that I really do or do not have herpes? <br />
<br />
Waiting<br />
<br />
<strong>Dear Waiting:<br />
<br />
Many doctors incorrectly diagnose herpes as a fungal infection, jock itch, ingrown hairs, friction, yeast infection, or any number of other things. This is extremely common, and very frustrating! <br />
<br />
It takes about 12-16 WEEKS after you were first exposed to herpes in order to give the virus enough time to show up in your blood stream. Otherwise the test results may not be accurate and you might get a "false negative" result. If you take a blood test now, and the result is positive, then it is possible that you were already infected with the HSV2 virus BEFORE your encounter with this last person. <br />
<br />
Statistics show that at least 25% of all US adults have the HSV2 virus, but most of them DON'T EVEN KNOW IT. This is because most people have mild, infrequent or even NO symptoms. And most doctors don't routinely give blood tests for herpes even when they are testing you for other STD's - unless you SPECIFICALLY request a herpes blood test. So most people have never been tested for herpes! Some people who become infected with herpes don't have their first outbreak until YEARS after they were first infected. So unless you had a negative herpes blood test prior to meeting this last person, you'll never really know if you got herpes from HER, or someone else BEFORE her. It is possible to spread herpes even when there are no symptoms. Just think - one in every four of your previous sexual partners had genital herpes and probably didn't know it! Safe Sex is always the best policy.<br />
<br />
According to Dr. Gary A. Richwald, the Medical Advisor to <a href="http://www.lahelp.org/">LA HELP</a>, as long as your doctor has ordered one of the GOOD herpes blood tests (such as the dual HerpeSelect 1 & 2), then the antibody test can be positive as early as 3 weeks after lesions appear. (But if the result is negative, it just might be too early to know.) After 16 weeks (four months), the vast majority of folks will have a positive test if infected. Doctors should order a test at the beginning (because some individuals are already asymptomatically infected from a previous exposure) and repeat the test at 3-4 months.<br />
<br />
It's very important to find out the Name and Manufacturer of the test your doctor is using and make sure it is one of the NEW, GOOD herpes blood tests which are very accurate. Unfortunately, many doctors and labs are still using some of the OLD, VERY INACCURATE blood tests that are still on the market. There is a list of the GOOD HERPES BLOOD TESTS and more information on our website at:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_blood_tests.htm">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_blood_tests.htm</a>.<br />
<br />
Print out this information out for your doctor! And make SURE your doctor is using one of the newer, very accurate blood tests! If they don't know the name and manufacturer of the test they are using, make sure they find out! You'll be helping yourself, and you'll be helping your doctor get educated about herpes so that they can better treat their future patients. <br />
<br />
If your doctor still seems clueless, you can also order your OWN confidential herpes blood test from a local lab by going to: <a href="http://www.tstd.org./">http://www.TSTD.org</a>. It costs about $98 for the Herpes 1 & 2 screens. This company uses one of the GOOD herpes blood tests.<br />
<br />
For more information, <a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_blood_tests.htm">click here</a>.<br />
<br />
Good luck!<br />
<br />
DWH<br />
</strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-3519193640337145842010-04-08T10:52:00.000-07:002010-04-08T10:53:45.681-07:00Herpes, Honesty and Unproductive BlameBelow is reprinted with permission from someone's post on the Bay Area Friends' Yahoo Group.<br />
<br />
DWH<br />
************<br />
<br />
I just want to remind everyone that @ 20% of people over 12 in the US carry the virus for genital herpes, but up to 90% of the people who have it don't even know it because their symptoms are mild, infrequent or non-existent. Also, most doctors don't include a test for herpes, even when they tell you they are testing you for *all* STD's - unless you specifically ask them for a herpes blood test. Many out-of-date doctors will even tell you that there are no accurate blood tests for herpes or that no test can accurately distinguish between HSV1 and HSV2 (very wrong).<br />
<br />
Although everyone in this group KNOWS that they have herpes - often because we had noticeable symptoms that we got checked out - many other people do NOT have noticeable symptoms or their symptoms went away quickly and their doctors misdiagnosed them with things like jock itch or a vaginal infection. Some people have doctors who told them that even if they had herpes, they could not pass it to anyone else unless they were having an active outbreak - very bad information!<br />
<br />
Most new cases of genital herpes are the result of sleeping with people who do not even know that they have it or are at risk for spreading it. It's possible that in your particular case, and with your particular partner, they may have known and did not disclose. Or they may have been told that they were not at risk for spreading it, or they were otherwise ignorant about the facts or in denial. But statistically, most people with genital herpes don't know they have it and got it from someone else who doesn't know it. Most cases of genital herpes are never diagnosed.<br />
<br />
Everyone's story is different. I did not show any symptoms for herpes until about a year after I was married. I *assumed* that I got it from my then husband, who had many more previous partners than I did. He claimed that he didn't have it, but I didn't believe him. About 2 years later after we separated, he took one of the accurate herpes blood tests for herpes and tested NEGATIVE. So I had *assumed* wrong. I apparently had herpes BEFORE I even met him. I don't know who I got it from. And I did not have any symptoms until AFTER I was married. So you cannot just *assume* that your most recent partner was how you got herpes. It might have happened years earlier. As the saying goes, "when you *assume* - you make an *ass* of *u* and *me.* You cannot always be certain that your most recent partner was the source of your herpes. I feel fortunate that despite my diagnosis, I did not spread herpes to my ex-husband or other boyfriends since - whom I insist on getting tested. <br />
<br />
Honesty is always the best policy. Most of us are probably here, in part, because we want to be responsible and increase our knowledge about herpes and reduce our risk of spreading it. Let's make a point of informing potential new partners (and anyone else you want to tell) about the facts about herpes so that we can diminish the stigma. Even though some of our past partners may have been lying, ignorant or in denial, most of us got it from people who didn't know. Let's focus on how we can make things better going forward. Let's all become good examples of how to responsibly deal with an STD, and show other people that many nice, normal people have herpes and it does not have to ruin your life.<br />
<br />
********<br />
<br />
Reprinted with permission. <br />
For more information on herpes diagnosis, accurate blood tests, regional herpes social groups, and a list of herpes online dating services, go to: <br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/</a>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-52404162843268523942010-02-26T11:21:00.000-08:002010-02-26T11:21:57.135-08:00Online Dating Services for People with Herpes<em>Dear DWH:</em><br />
<br />
<em>Now that I have been diagnosed with herpes, I am concerned about spreading it to people I might date. Are there any online dating services for people with herpes, where I can meet people who already have what I have, and not worry about having "the talk" or spreading it to someone?<br />
<br />
Ready to Date</em><br />
<br />
<strong>Dear Ready to Date:</strong><br />
<br />
<strong>Yes, there are several places you can go online (and offline) to meet other people who have herpes for dating, or socializing and support. Most larger cities in the USA have active social groups for people with herpes who live in and around their city. Joining a local H social group is a great way to meet people who are nice, normal people, just like you, who also happen to have HSV1 or HSV2. Most of these groups offer social events where people can meet each other in a friendly, supportive, fun atmosphere. Not everyone is single or looking for people to date - but many people do meet and date through these groups. There is a list of regional H social groups at the Dating With Herpes website at </strong><a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/"><strong>http://www.datingwithherpes.org</strong></a><strong>.</strong><br />
<br />
<strong>However, if you are primarily interested in meeting people to date, there are several websites devoted exclusively to people with Herpes and other STD's. The largest of these is </strong><a href="http://www.positivesingles.com/i/af20002661"><strong>Positivesingles.com</strong></a><strong>. Many other websites are listed with descriptions and pricing info at </strong><a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm"><strong>http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm</strong></a><br />
<br />
<strong>Keep in mind that the larger dating websites may be more expensive, but may have more active members than some of the smaller, less expensive dating websites. Most offer a free trial membership period - or free "limited" memberships that allow you to post a profile. But if you want to be able to send a note to other members, you need to upgrade to a paid membership.</strong><br />
<br />
<strong>Not everyone with herpes feels like they should only date other people with herpes. Many people do date non-infected people and take precautions to help prevent transmission. Everyone's experience with herpes is different - many people have herpes but display no symptoms, while others have serious and frequent outbreaks. Your personal experience with herpes generally colors your choices about whom to date. The main thing that most people agree on - is that it's absolutely mandatory to inform your partners about your HSV status BEFORE you have intimate contact, so that the other person can make an informed choice before deciding to have sex with you. Being honest is always the best policy.</strong><br />
<br />
<strong>Whatever you choose to do, good luck! And again, more information on Dating with Herpes and Online Dating Services for people with herpes can be found at: </strong><a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm"><strong>http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpesdatingonline.htm</strong></a><br />
<br />
<strong>DWH </strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-70824099990723275522008-03-11T10:00:00.000-07:002008-03-11T10:36:14.619-07:00Can I Transmit Herpes To People I Live With?<em>Dear Dating with Herpes:<br /><br />I was just diagnosed with H today. Its still all sinking in, but overall I think I'm taking it well. Of course its just the first day so we'll see. As a 27 yo, I've been one of those dudes who thought he was invincible and that I couldn't get an STD. Anyway I have a ton of questions... most importantly, I live with my folks and don't want them to transmit H to them. Any advice would be great. Thanks!!<br /><br />Prodigal Son</em><br /><br /><strong>Dear PS:<br /><br />The herpes virus is very fragile and can only be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact when the virus is active. You may wonder if someone can get herpes from a toilet seat that you just sat on. However, there are no proven cases of getting herpes from a toilet seat. According to the Mayo Clinic, "It's very unlikely that you would get genital herpes from a toilet seat. Most sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are transmitted only during sexual contact, either by skin-to-skin contact or through exchange of bodily fluids. The microorganisms — bacteria and viruses — that cause STDs such as genital herpes tend to be sensitive to their surroundings and can't survive outside the human body on a surface like a toilet seat for very long."<br /><br />If you have HSV1 (usually associated with Oral Herpes), you should know that most people already carry that particular strain of herpes which is usually acquired in childhood from kissing. Only occasionally do people have symptoms (cold sores) so it's pretty benign for most people. Some people have more frequent symptoms because of their immune system or stress, etc.<br /><br />If you have HSV2 (usually associated with Genital Herpes), around 25% of all adults in the US already have it, and for most people, the symptoms are mild and infrequent and lessen over time. There are many couples where one person has herpes and the other does not. <br /><br />In any case, good hygiene is a great idea, especially when you are having an outbreak. Soap and water kills the virus, as well as just being exposed to the open air. You can't spread herpes in a swimming pool or hot tub - unless you're having sex with someone there. So you shouldn't worry about your parents getting herpes from the toilet, bathtub, sink or shower. If you want to be extra sure - go ahead and clean up after yourself for the mental security it will give you. But really, as long as there's no incest going on, your parents are safe!<br /><br />DWH</strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-46432404654400922482008-02-24T10:13:00.000-08:002008-02-24T10:21:27.713-08:00If Both of Us Have Genital Herpes - Can we make things worse?Hi, <br /><em> <br />I am a single female (almost 50) who was diagnosed with H about 2 years ago. I am interested in becoming intimate with a man who was diagnosed about 4 years ago. He is very afraid to get close because he says he might hurt me. I have tried to find something about two people with herpes who become intimate. Can you please tell me where I can read an article or find some information about this? Can we hurt each other if both of us have genital herpes? I thought I was taking this in stride though I was devastated at first and depressed too. I had sex with a good friend who wasn't honest with me. The relationship ended because of it. Now I have met someone new. I appreciate your input on this issue.<br /> <br />Thank you,<br /> <br />One of Two with H</em><br /><br /><strong>Dear One of Two with H:<br /><br />If you BOTH already have HSV2, then you cannot re-infect each other. However, you should still refrain from sex when one or both of you are having an active outbreak. Also, suppressive therapy might help in reducing the number and frequency of outbreaks. If you friend has not tried daily Valtrex (or Acyclovir or Famvir) as suppressive therapy, he might be pleasantly surprised by the results. <br /><br />I would send him the link to our website at: http://www.datingwithherpes.org where he can read up on more current information on herpes. His fear of spreading it - even to someone who already has it - seems strange unless he's getting information from a misinformed doctor. Links to much better and more recent information can be found on our website. <br /><br />Good Luck!<br /><br />DWH</strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-14466668783277175052008-01-30T11:41:00.000-08:002009-08-25T12:20:17.647-07:00What to Do When You BOTH Have Herpes???Dear DWH,<br />
<br />
I'm in a committed long-term heterosexual relationship where my boyfriend and I recently got tested for everything and found out that we both have only genital HSV-2 (but not the oral type 1) and no other STDs. <br />
<br />
In other words we've both had our first gential herpes outbreaks, we've both tested positive to only HSV-2 and we are both on daily anti-viral therapy . Therefore we already know that we cannot "infect" each other with HSV-2, because we already have that genital herpes virus in both of our bodies. <br />
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However, beyond that, we would like to know the answers to these questions nobody seems to be able to answer clearly so far: <br />
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(1) Can one of us cause or provoke an outbreak in the other partner by unknowingly shedding the HSV-2 virus without symptoms? <br />
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(2) Or will we have no more gential or oral HSV-2 outbreaks than if we were single, if we practice unprotected genital or oral sex without condoms or dental dams from now on?<br />
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(3) Do the follow-up oral and genital outbreaks tend to get shorter and more painless/severe/visible than the initial outbreaks?<br />
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Ideally we'd like to get answers to these questions answered from (a) HSV-2 infected couples who know them from experience and (b) reputable articles that can scientifically explain the reason(s) for why this is. So personal testimonies and/or links to studies would be greatly appreciated.<br />
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Thanks a lot!<br />
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The 2 of Us<br />
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<strong>Dear The 2 of You:<br />
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You should definitely consult an experienced physician or nurse practitioner with your questions, since they might have more current information. Terri Warren, RN, Owner of the Westover Heights Clinic in Portland, OR might be able to refer you to a doctor in your area who is known to be up-to-date about herpes infections. Most doctors are pretty ignorant - so get a referral!<br />
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Theoretically, if you both have already tested positive for antibodies for HSV-2, then you can't re-infect each other and you should not be at risk for having more outbreaks than if you only had protected sex with each other. However, what we know today might not be all there is to know. So again, check with the Westover Heights Clinic if you really want an expert opinion. They are very up to date.<br />
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Regarding your third question - the answer is YES. Herpes outbreaks generally get fewer and farther between as time goes on. Some people start out with symptoms every 2 months, and then 2 years later, they are down to one outbreak per year. Some people start out with 2 outbreaks per year, and then 2 years later, get absolutely no outbreaks (at least, nothing noticeable). It's different for everyone.<br />
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If you take Acyclovir or Valtrex or any of the other antiviral drugs, you can reduce the number and frequency of outbreaks, plus their length and severity. One person I knew had frequent outbreaks for 20 years, and Acyclovir and Famvir didn't help at all. Then he started taking Valtrex and after about 3 months, his symptoms went away entirely. After several months, he stopped taking Valtrex and his symptoms have not returned. Go figure. Everyone is different!<br />
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In terms of further reading and studies, I recommend that you go through our extensive list of <a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_links.htm">HERPES LINKS</a> because there are lots of articles there and results from recent herpes studies. There is also a link there for Terri Warren's Westover Height Clinic. For the Herpes Links, <a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_links.htm">click here</a>.<br />
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Good luck - you have each other!<br />
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DWH</strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-55059157670165107002007-12-28T14:06:00.000-08:002007-12-28T14:49:19.099-08:00When is the right time to tell my partner that I have herpes?Hi. I was diagnosed with genital HSV1 this summer and have not had many opportunities to tell potential partners about it. I was wondering when the appropriate time would be to tell my partner.<br /><br />My doctor said that I should postpone sex for at least 3 months, and I agree, but she also said that I can wait just as long to tell my partner. The idea behind this is to form a strong bond with the person to prevent him from becoming disinterested based on my herpes. This is where I find myself confused. It is possible that my partner could form feelings of love for me within three months. Is it really fair to him to keep this secret from him for so long? I believe that I would be angry to learn of a secret such as this after becoming so involved with someone. <br /> <br />I feel that I would be comfortable to tell him at this point in our relationship, but we have not been dating long and I worry that he may change his mind about me and/or tell others of my secret. <br /><br />Please don't think that I have an issue with self-esteem. I am simply trying to determine when he might be ready to hear this news. I do not want him to feel that he was manipulated if I wait until after he has developed deep feelings for me. <br /> <br />I hope you might help, Laura<br /><br /><strong>Dear Laura:<br /><br />There are many different opinions about when to first tell a potential partner that you have herpes. The only thing that most people agree on is that you should always tell a potential partner that you have herpes BEFORE you have sex with them, and give them enough time to learn more about it so that they can make an informed decision. <br /><br />These are my own personal rules of thumb - and I welcome other people to make comments on this blog to add there own views.<br /><br />- Your personal health information (such as herpes) is your own business - until you decide that you might like to be sexually intimate with someone. It may take a few or several dates to know if you are really interested in getting physical with someone. It's different for each person. During that time, you may find out that the person you are dating has other issues (lying, cheating, substance abuse, anger management problems, poor hygiene, awful sense of humor, whatever) that make you decide they are not someone you want to be in a relationship with. So you move on. I see no reason to hurry into telling someone that you have herpes UNLESS you are pretty sure that you are interested in having sex with them, and vice versa. Only then does this information become relevant.<br /><br />- When it becomes clear that you are interested in a sexual relationship with someone, THEN it becomes important for BOTH OF YOU to have a discussion about health and sexually transmitted diseases. For all you know, the person you are dating might also have herpes - and may or may not even know it since so few doctors test for it. Or they might have had previous partners who had herpes. If you don't think you can talk about safe sex with your partner, then you probably have no business sleeping with them in the first place.<br /><br />- You should make sure your partner has been tested for herpes recently - the blood tests results take about a week to come back - so you know his or her herpes status BEFORE you have sex. With this information, you'll know how careful you need to be during sex. If they already have what YOU have, then you'll still need birth control, but will not have to worry about giving them a virus they already have! For information on herpes blood tests, go to:<br /> http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_blood_tests.htm<br /><br />- Different people react to the news in different ways. The more informed YOU are about genital herpes and the more informed THEY are, the more rational a decision you both can make. Sometimes, it just takes a little time for them to get the facts and sort out their feelings and decide if they want to move forward with the relationship. This is a reasonable response. If they care about you enough, and if you help them understand what can be done to reduce the risk of spreading HSV, they will often respond positively and appreciate your honesty. If not, at least they have taken the time to learn about HSV and decide how they want to proceed. If they decide not to move forward - they are rejecting the herpes, not you! Respect whatever choice they make.<br /><br />- Some people think "herpes is no big deal - let's go for it!" and that should be a warning sign that they may already have other STD's that they don't know about and don't care about spreading! Stay away from these folks unless you want to pick up yet another STD! If people are non-chalant about STD's, and don't want to take the time to find out about how STD's spread and how they can be avoided, they are irresponsible and put themselves and others at risk.<br /><br />- The worst case scenario is that someone thinks they had a "right to know" about your herpes before they even started dating you, and accuses you of withholding information and wasting their time, etc. If so, you really don't want to get involved with someone like that - who sees everything in black and white - and only their point of view is right. They may even already have herpes and not know it! Instead, they judge you. Who needs them!<br /><br />- Whatever you decide is the best time to tell someone is YOUR CHOICE (as long as it's BEFORE you have sex with them!) Each person is different and may have a different take on this.<br /><br />- I'd love to hear other opinions on this subject! Please post your comments to this blog! <br /><br />Thanks!<br /><br />DWH<br /><br />Questions? Email: dating with herpes at gmail dot com</strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-730328457436333511.post-33137734218855571002007-11-09T19:18:00.000-08:002009-08-23T15:58:02.773-07:00I'm Considering Getting Involved with a Woman with HerpesDear DWH:<br />
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I'm considering getting involved with a woman who has had genital herpes for 20 years and is on suppressive therapy with Valtrex. Would having the virus this long make transmission any less likely??? If we avoid having sex during outbreaks and prodrome - is there a good chance of avoiding transmission (we would be in a LTR and won't be using condoms)??? If I did get it, would I get a milder form since she has had it for 20 years - or no relation to that??? She claims she has never passed it onto a partner - might not sure how anyone could be sure of that with the varying symptoms people get!!!!! Also if she has only HSV-2 of the genitals, could I get oral sores if I perform oral sex on her??? <br />
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Thanks, Wondering<br />
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<strong>Dear Wondering:<br />
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Every person's situation is different. For most people, the longer they have the herpes virus, the less frequent their symptoms and presumably, the less often they shed the virus asymptomatically. But to know about your friend specifically, she'd have to get tested daily to see how often, if at all, the virus may be present on the skin. That's not terribly practical. <br />
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If my memory serves, there was a study from the University of Washington that showed the rates of asymptomatic shedding for people who had been seropositively diagnosed with HSV2 (via blood test) for up to 2 years - and I think the average rate of shedding was around 2% of the time...but don't quote me on that. There were some people in the study who tested positive, but did not shed the virus from the skin at all during the test period. This doesn't mean that it might never happen. But the study did show that some people shed the virus more often and some shed less often and some didn't shed the virus at all during the test period. <br />
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As for how you might react to the herpes virus if you were to get it, that's also totally dependent on how YOUR body deals with it, and has nothing to do with how our partner's body deals with it. Most people with herpes have few or mild or even no symptoms, such that they don't even know they have it to begin with. Stats show that about 25% of US adults already have the virus for genital herpes, but up to 90% of them don't even know it! That means that most people with herpes don't know it and are sleeping with partners and not taking any special precautions. Most people also already carry the virus for oral herpes, although most only display symptoms rarely. Both types of herpes are very common and can appear either genitally or orally. <br />
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It is extemely rare for genital herpes (of the HSV2 variety) to be spread to your mouth if you perform oral sex on someone with genital herpes. In those cases, there has usually been only 1 outbreak and then no more. However, if you have HSV1 (usually the cause of Oral Herpes) and perform oral sex on someone who does not have herpes, you might give them Genital Herpes of the HSV1 variety. This accounts for 30% of recent reports of genital herpes. Usually, genital herpes caused by HSV1 has less frequent recurrances, but it all depends on the person. <br />
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So if your friend knows they have herpes, is taking Valtrex, and you are using condoms all the time, and making sure to avoid sexual contact if there are symptoms coming on...then you are probably safer than if you're just sleeping with someone who has herpes but doesn't know it, and isn't doing anything about it. If you decide NOT to use condoms, that's your choice. Valtrex and condoms reduce the risk significantly. If you decide not to use condoms, another option is to take Valtrex yourself! I've heard this from doctors/physicians who have herpes themselves. They get a prescription for Valtrex for their partner. Apparently, this helps reduce their partner's susceptibility to viruses like HSV2 as well. <br />
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I'm one of the many people who didn't know they had herpes at all until they eventually had a visible outbreak - years afer I probably got the virus. I had been married over a year and was with my spouse at least a year before we married. So I had acquired the virus before that. But I never had an outbreak, until a year after I was married. I had a brief outbreak, got tested, and learned the news. At the time, my doctor told me that it was safe to have sex when I wasn't having an outbreak. He knew nothing about Valtrex. Acyclovir was only for episodic treatment. This is an example of what out-of-date doctors are still telling their patients. Some of the advice is OK. Other parts of it are very out of date.<br />
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Frankly, you probably already have oral herpes, and might even already have genital herpes and not know it. Have you been tested? Probably not, since most doctors don't test you for herpes in their standard STD screenings. You have to ask them specifically to test you for herpes. So, unless you know for sure that you've already been tested for herpes since your last intimate relationship, it's time to go to your doctor and ask for one of the new and very reliable herpes blood tests for HSV1 and HSV2 listed on <a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_blood_tests.htm">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/herpes_blood_tests.htm</a> That's the only way to know for sure if you have or don't have the virus for oral or genital herpes. Chances are, you have never been tested. So get tested.<br />
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Then, relax. Herpes is just a skin condition that most people manage pretty easily. Most people have mild, few or NO symptoms. Unfortunately, some people have more noticeable and painful symptoms. Those are the people you hear about. But for the most part, herpes is a very manageable condition except that those people who know they have it want to be more careful with their partners. It's admirable for anyone to tell you that they have an STD and to take precautions to reduce the risk of spreading it to you. That's the responsible thing to do.<br />
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There really should NOT be tigma associated with HSV2 vs HSV1 since they can both be spread genitally OR orally, even when no symptoms are present. Everyone should take precautions against STD's but few people really do. Unfortunately, most people with or without STD's often throw caution to the wind occasionally and put themselves at risk. Conservatives and Liberals, Religious and Not-so-Religious - many people are not taking precautions or getting tested for STD's. Everyone is at risk! <br />
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So, if you really like this person and you are taking all the recommended precautions, you are pretty safe. Remember, sex is messy and is never 100% risk free, even if the other person doesn't have herpes. There are plenty of other STD's out there. New partners should always get tested before sleeping together. You can't treat something if you don't know you have it! <br />
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For more information on how to reduce the risk of herpes transmission, go to:<br />
<a href="http://www.datingwithherpes.org/reducing_risk.htm">http://www.datingwithherpes.org/reducing_risk.htm</a><br />
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DWH<br />
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Questions? Email: dating with herpes at gmail dot com</strong>DWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647556276740308129noreply@blogger.com4