Dear Dating with Herpes:
I was just diagnosed with H today. Its still all sinking in, but overall I think I'm taking it well. Of course its just the first day so we'll see. As a 27 yo, I've been one of those dudes who thought he was invincible and that I couldn't get an STD. Anyway I have a ton of questions... most importantly, I live with my folks and don't want them to transmit H to them. Any advice would be great. Thanks!!
Prodigal Son
Dear PS:
The herpes virus is very fragile and can only be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact when the virus is active. You may wonder if someone can get herpes from a toilet seat that you just sat on. However, there are no proven cases of getting herpes from a toilet seat. According to the Mayo Clinic, "It's very unlikely that you would get genital herpes from a toilet seat. Most sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are transmitted only during sexual contact, either by skin-to-skin contact or through exchange of bodily fluids. The microorganisms — bacteria and viruses — that cause STDs such as genital herpes tend to be sensitive to their surroundings and can't survive outside the human body on a surface like a toilet seat for very long."
If you have HSV1 (usually associated with Oral Herpes), you should know that most people already carry that particular strain of herpes which is usually acquired in childhood from kissing. Only occasionally do people have symptoms (cold sores) so it's pretty benign for most people. Some people have more frequent symptoms because of their immune system or stress, etc.
If you have HSV2 (usually associated with Genital Herpes), around 25% of all adults in the US already have it, and for most people, the symptoms are mild and infrequent and lessen over time. There are many couples where one person has herpes and the other does not.
In any case, good hygiene is a great idea, especially when you are having an outbreak. Soap and water kills the virus, as well as just being exposed to the open air. You can't spread herpes in a swimming pool or hot tub - unless you're having sex with someone there. So you shouldn't worry about your parents getting herpes from the toilet, bathtub, sink or shower. If you want to be extra sure - go ahead and clean up after yourself for the mental security it will give you. But really, as long as there's no incest going on, your parents are safe!
DWH
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
If Both of Us Have Genital Herpes - Can we make things worse?
Hi,
I am a single female (almost 50) who was diagnosed with H about 2 years ago. I am interested in becoming intimate with a man who was diagnosed about 4 years ago. He is very afraid to get close because he says he might hurt me. I have tried to find something about two people with herpes who become intimate. Can you please tell me where I can read an article or find some information about this? Can we hurt each other if both of us have genital herpes? I thought I was taking this in stride though I was devastated at first and depressed too. I had sex with a good friend who wasn't honest with me. The relationship ended because of it. Now I have met someone new. I appreciate your input on this issue.
Thank you,
One of Two with H
Dear One of Two with H:
If you BOTH already have HSV2, then you cannot re-infect each other. However, you should still refrain from sex when one or both of you are having an active outbreak. Also, suppressive therapy might help in reducing the number and frequency of outbreaks. If you friend has not tried daily Valtrex (or Acyclovir or Famvir) as suppressive therapy, he might be pleasantly surprised by the results.
I would send him the link to our website at: http://www.datingwithherpes.org where he can read up on more current information on herpes. His fear of spreading it - even to someone who already has it - seems strange unless he's getting information from a misinformed doctor. Links to much better and more recent information can be found on our website.
Good Luck!
DWH
I am a single female (almost 50) who was diagnosed with H about 2 years ago. I am interested in becoming intimate with a man who was diagnosed about 4 years ago. He is very afraid to get close because he says he might hurt me. I have tried to find something about two people with herpes who become intimate. Can you please tell me where I can read an article or find some information about this? Can we hurt each other if both of us have genital herpes? I thought I was taking this in stride though I was devastated at first and depressed too. I had sex with a good friend who wasn't honest with me. The relationship ended because of it. Now I have met someone new. I appreciate your input on this issue.
Thank you,
One of Two with H
Dear One of Two with H:
If you BOTH already have HSV2, then you cannot re-infect each other. However, you should still refrain from sex when one or both of you are having an active outbreak. Also, suppressive therapy might help in reducing the number and frequency of outbreaks. If you friend has not tried daily Valtrex (or Acyclovir or Famvir) as suppressive therapy, he might be pleasantly surprised by the results.
I would send him the link to our website at: http://www.datingwithherpes.org where he can read up on more current information on herpes. His fear of spreading it - even to someone who already has it - seems strange unless he's getting information from a misinformed doctor. Links to much better and more recent information can be found on our website.
Good Luck!
DWH
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
What to Do When You BOTH Have Herpes???
Dear DWH,
I'm in a committed long-term heterosexual relationship where my boyfriend and I recently got tested for everything and found out that we both have only genital HSV-2 (but not the oral type 1) and no other STDs.
In other words we've both had our first gential herpes outbreaks, we've both tested positive to only HSV-2 and we are both on daily anti-viral therapy . Therefore we already know that we cannot "infect" each other with HSV-2, because we already have that genital herpes virus in both of our bodies.
However, beyond that, we would like to know the answers to these questions nobody seems to be able to answer clearly so far:
(1) Can one of us cause or provoke an outbreak in the other partner by unknowingly shedding the HSV-2 virus without symptoms?
(2) Or will we have no more gential or oral HSV-2 outbreaks than if we were single, if we practice unprotected genital or oral sex without condoms or dental dams from now on?
(3) Do the follow-up oral and genital outbreaks tend to get shorter and more painless/severe/visible than the initial outbreaks?
Ideally we'd like to get answers to these questions answered from (a) HSV-2 infected couples who know them from experience and (b) reputable articles that can scientifically explain the reason(s) for why this is. So personal testimonies and/or links to studies would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot!
The 2 of Us
Dear The 2 of You:
You should definitely consult an experienced physician or nurse practitioner with your questions, since they might have more current information. Terri Warren, RN, Owner of the Westover Heights Clinic in Portland, OR might be able to refer you to a doctor in your area who is known to be up-to-date about herpes infections. Most doctors are pretty ignorant - so get a referral!
Theoretically, if you both have already tested positive for antibodies for HSV-2, then you can't re-infect each other and you should not be at risk for having more outbreaks than if you only had protected sex with each other. However, what we know today might not be all there is to know. So again, check with the Westover Heights Clinic if you really want an expert opinion. They are very up to date.
Regarding your third question - the answer is YES. Herpes outbreaks generally get fewer and farther between as time goes on. Some people start out with symptoms every 2 months, and then 2 years later, they are down to one outbreak per year. Some people start out with 2 outbreaks per year, and then 2 years later, get absolutely no outbreaks (at least, nothing noticeable). It's different for everyone.
If you take Acyclovir or Valtrex or any of the other antiviral drugs, you can reduce the number and frequency of outbreaks, plus their length and severity. One person I knew had frequent outbreaks for 20 years, and Acyclovir and Famvir didn't help at all. Then he started taking Valtrex and after about 3 months, his symptoms went away entirely. After several months, he stopped taking Valtrex and his symptoms have not returned. Go figure. Everyone is different!
In terms of further reading and studies, I recommend that you go through our extensive list of HERPES LINKS because there are lots of articles there and results from recent herpes studies. There is also a link there for Terri Warren's Westover Height Clinic. For the Herpes Links, click here.
Good luck - you have each other!
DWH
I'm in a committed long-term heterosexual relationship where my boyfriend and I recently got tested for everything and found out that we both have only genital HSV-2 (but not the oral type 1) and no other STDs.
In other words we've both had our first gential herpes outbreaks, we've both tested positive to only HSV-2 and we are both on daily anti-viral therapy . Therefore we already know that we cannot "infect" each other with HSV-2, because we already have that genital herpes virus in both of our bodies.
However, beyond that, we would like to know the answers to these questions nobody seems to be able to answer clearly so far:
(1) Can one of us cause or provoke an outbreak in the other partner by unknowingly shedding the HSV-2 virus without symptoms?
(2) Or will we have no more gential or oral HSV-2 outbreaks than if we were single, if we practice unprotected genital or oral sex without condoms or dental dams from now on?
(3) Do the follow-up oral and genital outbreaks tend to get shorter and more painless/severe/visible than the initial outbreaks?
Ideally we'd like to get answers to these questions answered from (a) HSV-2 infected couples who know them from experience and (b) reputable articles that can scientifically explain the reason(s) for why this is. So personal testimonies and/or links to studies would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot!
The 2 of Us
Dear The 2 of You:
You should definitely consult an experienced physician or nurse practitioner with your questions, since they might have more current information. Terri Warren, RN, Owner of the Westover Heights Clinic in Portland, OR might be able to refer you to a doctor in your area who is known to be up-to-date about herpes infections. Most doctors are pretty ignorant - so get a referral!
Theoretically, if you both have already tested positive for antibodies for HSV-2, then you can't re-infect each other and you should not be at risk for having more outbreaks than if you only had protected sex with each other. However, what we know today might not be all there is to know. So again, check with the Westover Heights Clinic if you really want an expert opinion. They are very up to date.
Regarding your third question - the answer is YES. Herpes outbreaks generally get fewer and farther between as time goes on. Some people start out with symptoms every 2 months, and then 2 years later, they are down to one outbreak per year. Some people start out with 2 outbreaks per year, and then 2 years later, get absolutely no outbreaks (at least, nothing noticeable). It's different for everyone.
If you take Acyclovir or Valtrex or any of the other antiviral drugs, you can reduce the number and frequency of outbreaks, plus their length and severity. One person I knew had frequent outbreaks for 20 years, and Acyclovir and Famvir didn't help at all. Then he started taking Valtrex and after about 3 months, his symptoms went away entirely. After several months, he stopped taking Valtrex and his symptoms have not returned. Go figure. Everyone is different!
In terms of further reading and studies, I recommend that you go through our extensive list of HERPES LINKS because there are lots of articles there and results from recent herpes studies. There is also a link there for Terri Warren's Westover Height Clinic. For the Herpes Links, click here.
Good luck - you have each other!
DWH
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